Have you ever opened an orange and been like, “Holy shit, this thing is a fucking miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”?

The smell, the freshness, the fact that it’s a whole and edible unit produced by nature and divided into perfect sections in a masterpiece of symmetry is enough to make the godless believe. In religion, in intelligent design—I don’t know, but I’m a convert to the marvels of the universe every time I eat an orange.

Red cabbage holds a similar power for me. Green cabbage exhibits the same glory of divine proportion known as the golden spiral, but red cabbage goes a dimension beyond with its insanely saturated purplish pigment. I had some on hand, so I cut into the violaceous wonder and threw together a very tasty, simple slaw.

I’m not a vegan—I usually make my own mayonnaise with an egg, walnut oil, lots of lemon juice, a clove of garlic, and a little salt. I love making my own because the flavor is unsurpassed. Plus I can make it as tangy as I want (especially when I use apple cider vinegar instead of lemon juice), I can make it as garlicky as I want, and I control the variety of the oil and the quality of the ingredients.

But I had some Vegenaise in the refrigerator, so I decided to use that up. I’d purchased it in a pinch for two reasons: it was soy-less, and it’s not high in sugar. I feel that all packaged mayonnaises and fake mayonnaises pretty much suck compared to Hellmann’s (known as Best Foods in some parts of the US), but I don’t “Bring Out the Best” very often because Hellmann’s is made with soybean oil, sugar, chemical preservatives, “natural flavors,” and it’s packed with GMOs. They have an “organic” version, but I’m not trusting enough to believe that particular claim is genuine.

In short, what I’m saying is that as with any slaw, you can make this with any kind of mayonnaise you want—vegan or not. You could even use vinegar and oil instead of any mayonnaise at all, in which case you might use far less than 1.5 cups. I’ll probably try that next time.

Here’s the recipe. Note that it makes a bunch. Like a ton. You could always halve it if you want to make other stuff with the other half of your red cabbage. In either case, savor the flavor and the color of this beautiful pink slaw!

Ingredients

• 1 head red cabbage, sliced super thin
• 1 beet, grated
• 2 carrots, grated
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 1 tsp. caraway seeds (optional)
• 2 tsp. dill (optional)
• 1.5 cups or so of Vegenaise, homemade mayonnaise, or whatever strikes your fancy

Directions

• Slice the cabbage, grate the roots, juice the lemon.
• Mix the ingredients. Use your mitts—they’re the most efficient tools for this volume of vegetables.

If taking this delicious pink coleslaw to a BBQ or something, make it a day before if you can, because it’s best when the flavors have had time to meld.

If you need to add some salt, go with Himalayan pink sea salt to keep with the pink theme, even though you won’t be able to see it per se. I know Himalayan pink salt is trendy, which can make it annoying, but it’s awesome that it wasn’t synthesized in a lab. Unless you call the geological processes of the Earth a lab, which they are, but a wondrous lab they are, where mad scientists (gnomes?) forged a unique formula 4 billion years ago by adding 60–84 minerals that folks say align with the composition of your blood.

Deep stuff. Cool as fuck. Very tasty.

Let me know how you like this pink coleslaw!

Orange photo from Pexels. Red cabbage photo by Flickr user Dru! His image page features a delicious-looking recipe for simple cabbage and sausage. Pink slaw photo by me. Share this pink coleslaw recipe on Pinterest!

Why is it vegan, but Vegenaise? The universe is a mysterious place.